Sunday, October 10, 2010

“One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Ane as I sit here in the darkness and cry, you lay next to me sound asleep.
And when I eventually realise that you won't wake up to my tears, I slowly push myself into an empty sleep, only to start the next day and laugh together about how sooky we're each capable of becoming.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My other blog

Monday, June 21, 2010

Friday, June 4, 2010

I just want to be wanted. Not just now, but tomorrow. And the next day too. I want you to want me enough to invest in me. To feel like leaving isn't even something you'd consider.
This is what i offer you.
Please don't break me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

So precious to me

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Today a girl my age died in a car accident at blacksmiths. And although i didn’t know this girl well i had met her before. Hearing that her life had come to a sudden and unpredictable end was horrible for so many people.
Life is taken for granted.
Live for today because tomorrow may never come.

Monday, May 17, 2010

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
- Lady Gaga

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm feeling stronger, more self assured, and just generally happier.
And it's thanks to you. You nurture me, and i cherish your love.

Monday, April 26, 2010

i hope you stay

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I have been so busy the past few months that when i now have time to do 'nothing', i feel restless, agitated and discontent. It's weird but great. I love having something do to. Or maybe it's just weird going a day without huw... haha i'm so smitten

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

you and i in july coronet peak. oooh baby...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Monday, March 22, 2010

real job

i am now a full time dental assistant at a dental surgery in belmont. yeah *hi5

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Last night, after watching her perform, i met Lady Gaga. We had a one on one conversation that lasted no longer than 30 seconds but I can't even begin to describe how intense the moment was without doing it justice.
A month ago if you had of asked me my opinion of Lady Gaga i wouldn't have had much to say. When she first started becoming a known artist i wasn't really keen on her. I instantly took her outrageous dress sense and the way she carried herself as over the top, attention seeking, and off putting. In the last month i have out of the blue become interested in her and looked up photos of her, watched videos of her doing performances and in interviews and i've taken a liking to her. She has a gorgeous body, an amazing voice and has a fun, playful and ready attitude to take on the world.
After watching her car arrive at the enterainment centre and no paparazzi even being able to get a shot of her, and then watching her perform, i realised how amazingly famous and "in the spotlight" this performer really is, making it super hard to get even close to her. She even had a decoy look-a-like at the airport when she arrived in Australia to divert some attention.
And then being lucky enough to meet her last night, slurring how awesome i think she is and that i love her and hearing her laugh and reply i love you too just totally threw me off and has made me admire and adore her much more than i ever thought i would.
I am now a devoted Lady Gaga fan.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Looking through a very old diary tonight, i found a poem i'd once written tucked inside. I very rarely write poetry. Like i've probably written two or three outside high school english in my entire life, so i'm surprised i even found it. It's dated October 2008.

I cry inside as she opens her mind to me,
Wishing i had the key to lock closed her room filled with hurt,
and confusion.
She embraces me, maintaining the invisible wall between our bodies.
I yearn for her to trust me,
to feel safe.
I force myself to hide the tears that well up in my eyes every time she leaves me.
Disconnected from my safe embrace,
my selfish peace of mind.
And i warmly smile to this precious friend of mine.
Well aware that my smile would be half the painful act her's must be.
I care for her more than she imagines.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Tonight at work, it was really quiet which allowed me to have plenty of 'me' time. Thinking time.
I realised how quickly things have moved forward and how easily i have fallen. After a six month relationship hastily and unexpectedly ended with my ex boyfriend last october i felt shocked, betrayed and hurt enough to withdraw myself more than i ever had. I had honestly never felt more distraught and upset. And although i knew that things were always relatively worse somewhere else, i couldn't help but feel completely miserable and worthless. My HSC was also smack bang two weeks after he left me and although i'm not trying to make any excuses for my disappointing mark, the event definitely impacted on my performance. It was the worst feeling i had ever experienced and only really started to slowly wear off in January. And in those 3-4 months of crying regularly, feeling like i couldn't escape reminders of him, and just generally feeling miserable, i promised myself, even though part of it was a natural reaction to me, to hold myself back in future. To not tirelessly search for 'love' anymore and to not give myself away so easily. Basically to become guarded.
I was too aware of the potential for hurt and i didn't want to put myself in that situation again. I did not seek out anyone romatically. In fact, i didn't even think romantically much anymore, which was completely foreign of me since i'm usually deep down a hopeless romantic. I just didn't seek romance. One bad experience for me and i'd ran from it crying and threatening never to go back.
And then towards the end of January Huw entered my life. Since then he has showed me how to be open. How to let people in. How to risk giving your all in the hope that it will be nurtured and loved... the greatest return. And for almost two months i made myself stand back, push away, and keep my doors closed, because i wanted to remain safe. But it was hurting development. And as i learned to love again i learnt to risk again. Because i know that the risk for the ultimate reward is worth it again. And in what feels like as little as a week or simply a day, i transformed from holding back and keeping reserved to giving my all. I can't look at Huw without holding back a smile. He makes me feel more amazing than anyone else can.And i know that i want this. I want Huw. I now know that i will give him my all. Because that's what you do when you want something or someone badly enough. When your mind is set.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I love my sister.
The past few weeks have been really busy for me. This is the first time in a long time that i have been able to casually browse blogger and write a post. It's nice.
Huw took to me Nelsons bay for a night away a week ago. He even shouted everything; the accommodation, a lovely dinner, champagne etc. He is so lovely to me.
Here is a typical lovey dovey coupley photo of us away

I am the happiest i have been in a long time.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

As i sit here with my toast and juice (even though it's 3:30 in the afternoon), i realised that i've been neglecting my blog a fair bit. This wasn't intentional, i've just been really busy lately, which i love. I mean really, blogging is only something i think to do when i'm feeling a little bored, which kind of doesn't work out too well because when i'm bored i don't have too much to blog about... haaa
So with toby the dog being the scavenger that he is by my side waiting for me to share my vegemite toast with him i decided that i'd check in and say hello and that i'm still alive.
Have a lovely day

Friday, February 5, 2010

Easy or hard?
Sounds like a stupid question because it is a stupid question. Whether 'easy' means the quickest way or the way requiring the least amount of effort or even the way giving the greatest satisfaction during the process. If there were an easy way and a hard way in order to achieve the same outcome, anyone with half a brain would choose the easy way. Today really heightened my appreciation for easy company. Company that requires little extra effort other than being yourself to play, laugh, talk and to simply just be around.This being compared to being around company that small ideas and opinions clash with because of differences in thinking/morals, but even more so, varying levels of maturity and understanding And even the levels of willingness to try and be mature, to change and to compromise. Turning something that could potentially be easy in to something that becomes hard due to conflict or tension caused.
And we prefer to focus and excell at what we find easy, and turn away from things that form a continious pattern of negativity.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i'm currently lazing with toria listening to music and chatting about her first few days of school.
most things seem to be starting to smooth out for me, which feels nice.
talking about classes and teachers and diving and trampolining and all the school stuff makes me really miss school. but ah well, things must move forward.
today at coles i served a man that was so scruffy that if he had told me that he walked here from his cave i would have believed him. a blind person would have probably believed him too judging by the GORGEOUS waft following him around.
l8r sk8rs

Friday, January 29, 2010

I love you tay.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

work, as long as it's not too busy, counts towards my 'me' time.
Nearly all of my shift tonight was spent drifting off thinking while automatically doing the physical requirements of checkout slave. Was nice.
I'm going to read nineteen minutes by jodi picoult, listen to my favourite song at the moment which happens to be undisclosed desires by muse and then go to sleep.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Sunday, January 17, 2010

So I'm pretty blown out of the water by what you have said to me.
I didn't realise that I could influence you so much, in such little time.
I didn't realise you would feel this way about me.
Overwhelmed is the closest I can come to describe how I feel. From nothing one day to this the next, it's just wow. Very wow.
I'm scared to move because this is something that I have day dreamed about, something I have been tirelessly searching for, and I'm afraid if I move at all, it may all disappear into thin air, I'll wake up and it will all have just been too good to be true. The fact that it is so surprisingly amazing and perfect and scarily convenient makes it that much harder for me to get my head around. But I know it is, and I'm just trying to tip toe in the hope that I won't screw something that could have amazing potential.
I guess a new waiting game begins.

Friday, January 15, 2010

sometimes my ipod doesn't seem enough of an escape.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

the personality of a boy that carries understanding, knowledge and maturity. What a breath of fresh air!
So lovely :)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

last night calay won a major prize on stacker.
a memorable moment for the campbell family.

Monday, January 4, 2010

love is such a bizaar thing. it has so many avenues, so many components. it can evoke so many different emotions in you. it can leave you feeling as sure as the sky is blue, and as vulnerable as it seems possible. it is so complex, and so stimulating, and so limitless. it has the ability to lift you up so high. so high that you can only see that other person. can only feel the nervous excitement in your stomach.
and once you know these feelings exist, that this can be achieved, it is all you want. and when you don't have it, you feel numb for a while, and then you feel nothing. nothing because you've fallen back to the ground, and it hurts.

love drives me.
'happy ever after' is my aim, because i know that if that is all i end up with, i will be so happy, because it can lift you higher than anything else can.