Monday, March 29, 2010

you and i in july coronet peak. oooh baby...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Monday, March 22, 2010

real job

i am now a full time dental assistant at a dental surgery in belmont. yeah *hi5

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Last night, after watching her perform, i met Lady Gaga. We had a one on one conversation that lasted no longer than 30 seconds but I can't even begin to describe how intense the moment was without doing it justice.
A month ago if you had of asked me my opinion of Lady Gaga i wouldn't have had much to say. When she first started becoming a known artist i wasn't really keen on her. I instantly took her outrageous dress sense and the way she carried herself as over the top, attention seeking, and off putting. In the last month i have out of the blue become interested in her and looked up photos of her, watched videos of her doing performances and in interviews and i've taken a liking to her. She has a gorgeous body, an amazing voice and has a fun, playful and ready attitude to take on the world.
After watching her car arrive at the enterainment centre and no paparazzi even being able to get a shot of her, and then watching her perform, i realised how amazingly famous and "in the spotlight" this performer really is, making it super hard to get even close to her. She even had a decoy look-a-like at the airport when she arrived in Australia to divert some attention.
And then being lucky enough to meet her last night, slurring how awesome i think she is and that i love her and hearing her laugh and reply i love you too just totally threw me off and has made me admire and adore her much more than i ever thought i would.
I am now a devoted Lady Gaga fan.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Looking through a very old diary tonight, i found a poem i'd once written tucked inside. I very rarely write poetry. Like i've probably written two or three outside high school english in my entire life, so i'm surprised i even found it. It's dated October 2008.

I cry inside as she opens her mind to me,
Wishing i had the key to lock closed her room filled with hurt,
and confusion.
She embraces me, maintaining the invisible wall between our bodies.
I yearn for her to trust me,
to feel safe.
I force myself to hide the tears that well up in my eyes every time she leaves me.
Disconnected from my safe embrace,
my selfish peace of mind.
And i warmly smile to this precious friend of mine.
Well aware that my smile would be half the painful act her's must be.
I care for her more than she imagines.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Tonight at work, it was really quiet which allowed me to have plenty of 'me' time. Thinking time.
I realised how quickly things have moved forward and how easily i have fallen. After a six month relationship hastily and unexpectedly ended with my ex boyfriend last october i felt shocked, betrayed and hurt enough to withdraw myself more than i ever had. I had honestly never felt more distraught and upset. And although i knew that things were always relatively worse somewhere else, i couldn't help but feel completely miserable and worthless. My HSC was also smack bang two weeks after he left me and although i'm not trying to make any excuses for my disappointing mark, the event definitely impacted on my performance. It was the worst feeling i had ever experienced and only really started to slowly wear off in January. And in those 3-4 months of crying regularly, feeling like i couldn't escape reminders of him, and just generally feeling miserable, i promised myself, even though part of it was a natural reaction to me, to hold myself back in future. To not tirelessly search for 'love' anymore and to not give myself away so easily. Basically to become guarded.
I was too aware of the potential for hurt and i didn't want to put myself in that situation again. I did not seek out anyone romatically. In fact, i didn't even think romantically much anymore, which was completely foreign of me since i'm usually deep down a hopeless romantic. I just didn't seek romance. One bad experience for me and i'd ran from it crying and threatening never to go back.
And then towards the end of January Huw entered my life. Since then he has showed me how to be open. How to let people in. How to risk giving your all in the hope that it will be nurtured and loved... the greatest return. And for almost two months i made myself stand back, push away, and keep my doors closed, because i wanted to remain safe. But it was hurting development. And as i learned to love again i learnt to risk again. Because i know that the risk for the ultimate reward is worth it again. And in what feels like as little as a week or simply a day, i transformed from holding back and keeping reserved to giving my all. I can't look at Huw without holding back a smile. He makes me feel more amazing than anyone else can.And i know that i want this. I want Huw. I now know that i will give him my all. Because that's what you do when you want something or someone badly enough. When your mind is set.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I love my sister.
The past few weeks have been really busy for me. This is the first time in a long time that i have been able to casually browse blogger and write a post. It's nice.
Huw took to me Nelsons bay for a night away a week ago. He even shouted everything; the accommodation, a lovely dinner, champagne etc. He is so lovely to me.
Here is a typical lovey dovey coupley photo of us away

I am the happiest i have been in a long time.