yellow book

today i got out my yellow book and wrote and wrote and wrote, until i became too lazy to write out my thoughts and hastily ended the entry, which always happens. i started the diary a few weeks ago when i was finding it really difficult to get out of my depressive hole of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like i wasn't good enough. when a guy cuts off a relationship with you, leaving you feeling like you're not good enough, it really is hard to convince yourself that you are, and to move forward with a positive frame of mind. i suppose it depends on how much the person meant to you, but if you were committed to them and didn't see it coming, then it is really hard. hard to not wonder what they are doing, whether they're thinking about you at all, and exactly what it is that they may be thinking. whether they're contemplating the fact that they may have made a mistake letting you go and whether they're going to come back to you. and we torture ourself with all these possibilities, and give ourself all this false hope, only with the probable chance that they in fact won't come back, and they aren't thinking about us. friends croon "just forget about him" and "he is an idiot" and "there are plenty more fish in the sea", but you can't just snap your fingers and suddenly forget about a person you cared for and loved for months, even when you know you should move on.
but finally, i have moved on. i've have unexpectedly bumped in to a new boy. a boy that is pretty and makes me laugh and puts in that little bit of effort to make me feel special, and it's pulled me straight out of the hole and helped me to fill it.
today's entry in my yellow book was all about this boy and how happy he makes me, instead of the entries about days that didn't last without tears

this photo makes me smile. for more than one reason. but mainly because these people are amazing. when you see people every week day for around six hours, they basically become like family. this is the family photo from my school life. and sure, there are things about school that i won't miss. like sweating it out in classrooms in the middle of summer, and sitting out in the playground on the cold, rainy winter days. but these things that i won't miss are definitely outweighed by things that i will miss. there are so many personal memories from school that i will never forget. just from laying in the sun with tal and jack, listening to our ipods in our "study periods" to back in year nine when my dewar threw a table in anger that was inches from smacking me in the head. the main thing that i won't forget is the lessons learnt. and i'm not only talking about maths and english lessons, but the life lessons learnt. we spent our six years between the ages of 12 and 18 growing and learning at school, and it has been pretty influential in my opinion. pretty sad that it's come to it's end. i'll miss school.

it has been a fun and innocent weekend, but has also been the shovel that has helped to dig me out of a silly hole that i've been sitting in, and i am feeling the happiest i've felt in what seems like ages. i feel incredible.
thank you, and you, and you, and especially you.
i will miss this weekend incredibly.

today i had a bitch about why english is annoying in year 11 and 12.
then i found out that he was a writer, and was writing a novel.
then i continued to eat my mcdonalds.

Yeah most of my blogs are about relationships and love

I came across a blog yesterday that really caught me up. I got lost in the post, was entranced even. It was as if my thoughts had been perfectly written, right there before my eyes. I relate 100% to this post and i won't even bother to explain my feelings in my own words, in my own post, because i don't think it would be as good.

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.— Captain Corelli’s Mandolin"
- http://rose-achailinmochroi.blogspot.com/

" A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love; listens, but doesn't believe; and leaves before she is left."
- marilyn monroe